Metallica - Kill 'Em All

Let’s get one thing out of the way up front:

I do not like Metallica.

They’re massive. They’re over-hyped. Lars is a menace. Hetfield hunts bears for fun and thinks that's a personality trait. The band has been bathing in ego since the late ‘80s and somehow still expects a standing ovation every time they burp into a mic.

The only one I don’t have beef with is Kirk Hammett—because he minds his business, shreds like a god, and probably waters his plants.

That said:

I finally caved. I listened to Kill ’Em All.

And—it’s not as bad as I hoped.

In fact—it’s kinda good. Damn it.

Formed in 1981 in LA by Lars Ulrich (ugh) and James Hetfield (double ugh), the original lineup featured Ron McGovney on bass and Dave Mustaine on lead guitar.

Hetfield and McGovney had played together in Leather Charm. Mustaine, meanwhile, was too volatile even for Metallica—which is saying something—so he was booted and promptly founded Megadeth out of pure spite.

Kirk Hammett (king) stepped in on guitar. Cliff Burton replaced McGovney on bass. The band finally locked in a lineup, entered the studio, and dropped Kill ’Em All in 1983.

It wasn’t a massive hit—at first. But critics loved it, fans clung to it, and thrash metal was never the same again.

Kill ’Em All is Metallica’s rawest, fastest, and most tolerable era. It’s thrash in its purest form—sharp, stripped-down, no symphonies or mid-life crisis haircuts in sight.

Hetfield and Hammett are tight. The speed is outrageous, the precision is ridiculous, and the aggression is just the right shade of chaotic.

I hate how much I enjoyed it.

The standout track? Easy: The Four Horsemen.

It’s vicious. It’s catchy. It’s absolutely drilled into my skull.

Originally written by Mustaine (later released as The Mechanix on Megadeth's first album), it was reworked by Hetfield after the split. Kirk added a solo. Hetfield slipped in a bridge that sounds suspiciously like Sweet Home Alabama. It shouldn’t work. It does.

Even more annoyingly, I prefer it over the Megadeth version.

There. I said it.

Mustaine also had a hand in Jump in the Fire, Phantom Lord, and Metal Militia—so if you like half this album, thank the man Metallica couldn’t handle.

Hit the Lights and Motorbreath? Leftovers from Hetfield’s old band Leather Charm. Not bad, but you can tell they were written before the band learned what subtlety was.

Critics call Whiplash the song that birthed thrash metal.

I call it my least favourite track on the album.

It’s fine. Just doesn’t move me. At. All.

I wanted to hate this album. I still hate Metallica.

But Kill ’Em All?

It’s a riot. A fast, filthy, technically sharp gut-punch of an album.

Jump in the Fire, Seek & Destroy, and The Four Horsemen are absolute bangers. Even Hetfield’s voice—normally a hard no for me—works in this setting. It’s raw and barky and suits the chaos.

I won’t be listening to ...And Justice For All. I won’t be giving St. Anger the time of day.

But Kill ’Em All?

That one’s earned a spot on the replay stack.

Just don’t tell Lars.