I wasn’t planning to write this. It’s more personal than what I usually share here. But sometimes, something flares up so bright and so fast, I have to let it burn its way out of me—and since this blog is where I document the part of my life that’s loud and chaotic and sacred, it belongs here too. Because this is about music. And photography. And the electric proximity to the people who create the things that move me.
There’s something about being near it—near them—that stirs something deep in me. It’s not about access or fandom or even admiration. It’s about the spark. The charge in the air when you’re close to someone who is fully inside their art. When you’re in the room with sound being made, light being chased, moments being lived in real time. It wakes up something wild and restless in me. The part that still wants to run toward the chaos. Toward the beauty. Toward the noise.
Because sometimes I forget. I get so caught in the layers of daily life that I forget there’s a version of me who still wants to buy a last-minute ticket to a show in another city. Who wants to take blurry, sweaty photos and have a night that hums in my memory for days. Who wants to feel everything fully. That version doesn’t get a lot of space in the everyday—but she’s real. And being close to music, to performance, to expression—it stirs her awake. It reminds me I’m still here. Still wanting. Still alive.
Sometimes, this longing flares up so high it almost consumes me. Not because I want to leave everything behind, but because I want to remember the parts of me that don’t fit neatly into structure or expectation. The part who walks into venues with a camera in hand, heart pounding. The part who doesn’t explain herself. The part who feels.
This is why I keep doing this. Why I keep showing up to shows, to stages. Why I keep writing. Because standing close to artists, to sound, to the raw nerve of creation—it feeds something in me. It reminds me I’m not just documenting the magic. I’m part of it. Caught in the same current. Maybe one day I’ll step fully into that fire. But even if I don’t—I’ll stay close. I’ll keep showing up.
Because sometimes, being near it is enough.
And sometimes, it’s the beginning of something more.
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